He Knows!

If this doesn't make you cry, nothing will.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone.

The Inauguration of Confusion.

I feel nothing at all, nothing. No pain, no sadness, no disappointment nor happiness.

Its like I have switched off my humanity, completely dead or decaying but without visibility. I wonder, am I going to be like this? Is this what the future holds?

Awed.

Is this the life the great one has planned? My mind is like a feather ripped away from a wing, slowly dying out, drifting in all direction with no destination.

Bewildered.

Looking at the mirror, all I see is me, just me - no change, no dent, same everything. Just me. Trying so hard to figure out where does this empty vessel come from.

Panic.

I move to my bed, cover myself in blankets but sleep is no where to be found. I tried crying but all of the tears are gone, dried up somewhere on my pillow. Nothing is left. No smile, no twitch just me, inside myself but not knowing this person.

Stupor.

Screaming was far-fetched, I just have no voice. My vocal cord feels sewn to my stomach, all the sound goes to my lower abdomen.

Doubt.

She then enters, "how did it go?". Confused, I tilt my head, opened the gate and moved away. I answered but I had no control of what I was saying.

Sceptical.

She spoke again, I see her mouth moving but I hear no words. I can't read her lips. 'Can't you see, this is not me', I thought. My mind was boiling with calculations of what is going on. Is this psyche. Am I dying?

Blackened my heart feels, no shades of happiness - just devoid.

Destitute.

She continued though nothing was wrong, honestly, its me, I am fine but I am not. Do you get it?

Am I dead? I know you can see me but can you see me?

Barren.

Is it me? Don't you recognise me, am I there? My word, I feel nothing, I am nothing.

Jolt.

This has to be a movie, a picture from a musuem or a storyline deleted from the final ending. Just me, inside but completely not myself.

No sound within, no emotion just utter immunity.

Let me watch this motivational video, so I did but no response from me, its like it deja vu. Like those teddy bears you hug, something is said then defunct it goes.

My pulps are fine, my hands feel okay. I am not numb, I am fully animate but exanimate. Do you understand what I am saying? Does this make sense?

Reverent.

'Your skinny all of a sudden?', she said. Am I? She is talking but nothing registers, her feisty self is roaring and I am just lost somewhere in myself. I am not depressed nor anxious just simply sterile.

Marvelled. Void. Beguiled. Uncertain. Time is going and I am still in the same place. Its like walking down a long, dark corridor never knowing when the light will go on.

Desolate.

Sometimes it just suddenly hits me like slanted rain, hard, cold and painful. This overwhelming feeling engulfs me into utter darkness, hapless I feel and it just goes on and on.

Its like I am in a cage, where I am both the prisoner and the heartless jailer. I think it hurts but... Its okay, I am used to it.

Can you see it? The dead weight on my body, the dizziness from nothingness, the soft tears throbbing your cheeks as struggled tears pumped out of your Lacrimal Gland?

That's it.

That is the beauty of dying, sweet, calm, unwarranted and not complicated.

Wait. Because maybe you could be the one who saves me.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone.